Crusty Dippindunkin

I received this in an email from my fabulous Aunt Jan. It's complete silliness...but hey, that's what we do around here! So follow the directions and post your new name in the comments...if you dare!!
(Disclaimer*** I guess this comes from a Captain Underpants book...my sincerest apologies. I've made some edits so it's a little more "virtuous, lovely, of good-report", etc.***)

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = snickle
b = doombah
c = goober
d = cheesey
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = dumbo
h = farcus
i = dorky
j = doofus
k = funky
l = snoobie
m = sleezy
n = sloopy
o = fluffy
p = stinky
q = slimy
r = dorfus
s = snooty
t = tootsie
u = dipsy
v = sneezy
w = liver
x = skippy
y = dinky
z = zippy

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = dippin
b = feather
c = batty
d = burger
e = chicken
f = snarffy
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = sparkle
j = monkey
k = flippy
l = fluffy
m = bubble
n = rhino
o = potty
p = hamster
q = buckle
r = gizzard
s = lickin
t = snickle
u = chuckle
v = pickle
w = hubble
x = dinky
y = gorilla
z = girdle

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = bam
b = boom
c = face
d = nose
e = clump
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = head
l = love
m = chunks
n = dunkin
o = brains
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = doodle
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = frat
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = honey
z = juice